party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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