I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
