im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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