Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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