I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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