I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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