this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
