just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
