You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
