Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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