i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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