he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
