She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
