Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
