I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
