It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're earring is so big in my mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
