Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
