OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
