Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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