it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
two words...techno handjob
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
