Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
from now on my penis is your penis
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
