How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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