he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
