We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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