i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
