I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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