I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
