if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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