Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
