So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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