VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
