I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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