do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
