My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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