I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
