So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
