Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
