I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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