sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
