Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
