there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
