ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
