It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
