I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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