I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
