im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
