so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
