I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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