youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
