Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
