I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
