I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
