I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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