Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
