Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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